First Love

Throughout my teenage years and early 20's, I was always searching... searching for that one true love. I dated, oh how I dated! And, even though men all have different qualities, they are really all the same... In each relationship, I would dream about having a small, intimate wedding with a few friends and family. I would dream about this man who would devote all his attention on me and lavish me with little gifts to show me how much he cared. Essentially, I would blow my relationship up into unreal expectations which gave me clouded vision. I would accentuate the positive things and totally ignore the negative. Looking back now, I realize many bad qualities I overlooked. But maybe that is why we have these "learning experiences." Anyways, that is a different story for a different day.

I endured a very tormented relationship for over 4yrs because I could not bear to be lonely. I was missing something, I just didn't know exactly what or how to get it. Then, I became pregnant...

Throughout my pregnancy, I was elated! It was new and exciting! I loved to read and learn about this new, precious life inside me. I ate well and exercised. It was a very peaceful time for me, other than the turmoil around me. I just tried to keep to myself and focus on my new baby.

Needless to say, after the birth of my little girl, my whole life changed. How was I to know that the first love I was looking for, was not that of a man, but that of a beautiful bundle of joy? I finally had an unconditional love that fulfilled my whole heart and soul. Every little breath, movement and sound attracted my attention. I sat for hours and stared at her tiny little fingers and toes, tears in my eyes. What perfection! All my needs and wants were forgotten and I spent all of my time with this little, dependent baby of mine.

I eventually left my old life behind to begin a new one.


Just me and my first love :)